You're Just Like That Girl on TV!

Hey Everyone!  I hope you all had a fantabulous January, and I hope that February is treating you just as well so far!  This post concerns something I touched on a little bit before, but recently a friend of mine asked me about it, so I figured I'd make it into a post all of its own.

So often times, when I go somewhere I get comments like "oh you're like the women from that show".  Now, not having cable, I'm not up and with all of the shows that showcase little people, so I only think of Little People Big World (which I personally think is a great show).  But mostly, the people I run into are referring to the show Little Women of Atlanta (or whatever city the show happens to be in.

Now from what little I've seen of the show, and from what I've heard of the show, the women are loud boisterous individuals who go around clubbing, drinking, causing drama, and other such shall I say, PG-13 activity.  Now, I don't know about you guys, but that's not really how I carry myself.  I dress conservatively, for, I do work in a nursing home; got to keep those blood pressure levels of the residents down you know?  I don't like to cause drama, and frankly, I like to have a good reputation.  I don't really measure myself up to the ladies of this show.

Now, I understand that they're playing a part, and they're TRYING to be ridiculous.  But here's the thing, people are associating these looks and behaviors with me.  Some people think reality tv is real.  This is the only portrayal of little people that they are seeing, so it is reasonable to believe that they think that I am going to act this way.

Dwarfism affects 1 in 25,000 births.  So essentially 0.0025% of the population is affected by dwarfism.  So what I'm trying to get at is, this is the only representation you're really going to get, and I'm going to be so bold as to say, it is not positive representation.

Now, go ahead, say what you want.  They're doing what they want, they chose to act that way, what ever...  You know how you want ethnic Disney princesses so that little girls and boys can have positive Disney role models from different cultures?  Yeah, I want some positive representation for people with dwarfism.  Is that too much to ask?  Hopefully not.

Now, I'm not just hating on this one show.  I am sure that if I met these ladies they would be absolutely lovely!  But when you think about little people actors in movies, you probably think of Vern Troyer, Peter Dinklage, and maybe Warwick Davis.  And you probably think of their roles (maybe not in this order) Mini-Me, Tyrion Lannister, and an Ewok.  Now, aside from choice moments of Tyrion, these characters aren't much to think about.  They are not characters that you cherish and think about fondly.  Honestly, people think of them endearingly, or they laugh at them.  That is not how I want my culture to be represented in the media.

Lesser known movies that I really enjoy that showcase a dwarf character are Simon Birch and The Station Agent.  Both of these movies are enjoyed by my family, not necessarily because they have a dwarf character (though it is a perk) but because of the good story line and acting.

Without going on a tangent for pages and pages, which I very well could, here's the point of the post: publicity on little people has to change.  We have to change how the dwarf culture is represented.  The media is a wonderful medium to get through to so many people all around the world in such a short period of time.  But the media is only wonderful if we use it the right way.  So just like we want to represent minority cultures in a positive way, we should be representing ALL cultures in a positive way.

Peace, Love, and Otters my friends

Laura

New Year New Goal Let's Go!

Hi everyone! I know it's been a while; 3 months to be exact! It's been quite a hectic 3 months. I've gotten a new job, gotten gotten a whole year older, and been getting ready for the next phase in my life, which I'm still putting the finishing touches on.

Any who, this blog is about being short right? Well with 3 months having gone by I'm sure I can muster up a good post and wrap it up in a neat little word package for your reading pleasure.

Let's start with Christmas. We've already talked about shopping woes, but there's a few specific things that I want to touch on where Christmas is concerned.

Online shopping is my best friend. First of all because I don't really have to worry about things being sold out, second I don't have to worry about kids, adults, teens, what have you, staring to no end, and third, I don't have to worry about not being able to reach things.

It's super annoying to have to stand there forever when I'm shopping alone and just hope for a friendly face to walk by to ask for the thing that I need that could be just an inch or two out of reach; if I haven't already compromised for something else that isn't exactly what I wanted, but close enough, and within reach. It's kind of a luxury to be able to get your brand of choice.

Now before this starts to sound oh woe is me, this isn't meant to sound that way, it's just meant to help others think in a new perspective.

The second thing I want to touch upon: the mall Santa and his elf companions.

Have you ever gone to the mall and seen Santa there in his toy land amongst the snow, Christmas trees, glitter, and among other things, elves? Some times they're portrayed by petite college students trying to make a few extra dollars while they're home from school and some times they are portrayed by dwarves.

Let me be utmost and perfectly clear: dwarves are not elves. Let's repeat, with feeling: DWARVES ARE NOT ELVES! Excellent, your resounding support brought a smile to my face. Elves are fictional characters. Dwarves are real people with real feelings, desires, and needs. We also need to make a couple extra dollars when we come home from college. And that does not give you, your brother, your jerk cousin, or that tool that lived down the street who rode around on his dirt bike through your neighborhood, to make fun of them.

Unfortunately, dwarves are not always portrayed in the most flattering roles in the media. And you know what? That's not my fault. It's not any other little persons fault either. It's unfortunately how our media and folklore culture unfurled. But dwarves want to be actors too. Dwarves again, need to make a couple extra bucks here and there too. And it may be embarrassing, but it could be the only way ends are being met.

So to run down what I just threw at you, Christmas: a hectic time for all of us, between all the shopping and dodging crazy housewives high heels while they're trying to grab the last hatchimal on the shelf. And then there's the elf thing (also, the movie Elf, had some good moments, maybe not Peter Dinklage's best role) which is annoying to put up with. So what is my lesson? With Christmas  (and now new years) remember to be kind to others. Be wary of those around you. Think before you speak and move. Take a walk in someone else's pointy high heels some time ;)

I promise to be back before 3 months!

Peace love and otters my friends!

There's Safety in Numbers

Some times there's nothing more fun than going out with a bunch of good friends. No matter where it is whether it be the bar, a walk in the park, the mall, anywhere. If you have the right people anything can be a hoot.

Just like solo outings, group outings pose their own unique obstacles. Not every time, but some times. My main concern is always the comfort of my friends who are with me. I deal with "lookers" and curious kids every day. My friends and family however do not experience it to the extent that I do.

There have been times where I am out with my mom and there might be a kid who is particularly vocal about their "observations". Again, I've said before if they are questioning to understand, I have no issue. If they're questioning because something is different and that's automatically weird, then that's a different story.

A recent experience I had was at the Trader Joe's. Now don't get me wrong, I love me some organic food as much as the next person. But just like the next person, I go to the super market with a goal in mind, and just want to get my errand done seemlessly.

We were searching for smoked salmon and there was a child who saw me and started to yell "mommy, look how big that girl is", probably referring to my head (thanks hydrocephalus). We were honestly trapped in that Trader Joe's is designed in such a way the swift discreet exits are kind of hard to do. So we were at the mercy of this little girl (and her apparent unobservant mother).

I felt so bad for my mom, to experience her own child being ridiculed by a rude child. And I felt bad for the little girls brother, who was obviously mortified. The little girl had tried to get her brother to join in with her, but he refused. Good job young man, kudos to you.

Anyway, again when these situations happen with other folks around, I'm more embarrassed for them. I can understand it can be hard to know what to do off the cuff. Personally here is my advice:

Know your friend. Are they the type to confront situations? If they are, try to think of a polite way to talk to whoever is making comments or gestures. Never make the person feel bad, just help them to understand why their actions are not necessarily the right way to handle their curiosity.

If you're like me, you avoid confrontation like the plague. Usually I just ignore things, and discuss it with whoever was there with me to witness the situation. If it gets excessive, for example if a person is literally harassing you and following you through the store then yes, by all means, say something. And if your saying something doesn't get you results, address it with a staff member. Often times employees and store managers will not tolerate people teasing other customers because it brings down the experience, and they want all of their customers to feel safe and comfortable. If you're wondering, yes, the above situation did happen to me. 

Other situations like when I go to the bar, they're a whole different kind of animal to deal with. There have been times when I have been out with my friends and I get carded and they don't. I've gone in by myself and not been served because people think I'm too young. Usually I have a few sarcastic comebacks up my sleeve to remedy those situations. But honestly, it annoys the crap out of me.

All in all, group outings require a lot of tolerance, patience, and forgiveness. There's the fine line between people not understanding and questioning to understand, or just being rude for the sake of being rude and not wanting to understand.

Sorry if this post was a little bit of a rant. My intent is never "oh woe is me". The intent is always to educate and explain my different perspective. To open a window into a new way of looking at the world, perhaps a shorter point of view? (Don't worry you can laugh at that joke).

Thanks for reading friends! Don't forget it's Dwarfism Awareness Month! Just be aware, I'm short 😜

Peace, Love, and Otters

Laura

The F word, the B word, the C word... The M word?

As a kid growing up, your parents or who ever was your primary care giver probably taught you not to say bad words.  You were scolded over and over by parents, teachers, and mentors if you ever said something remotely six lettered.  By the time you got to middle school people were throwing these words around like it was nothing.  Cause you're an adult at 12 right?  Yeah I was there too.  But as this blog implies, I had a bit of a different experience.  And by different, I mean different from the average or more common experience.

I'll preface the main scoop of this blog post by touching upon a psychology thing.  For those of you who don't know, I majored in psychology in college, so the way people think and feel is constantly peppered into my thoughts and actions.  I'll use the example one of my favorite professors used:

Basically we have function in our body, related to homeostasis that keeps us from freaking out and flying off the handle when we encounter things.  When you first met your current significant other, you would get butterflies when you saw them.  Your face would burn up, and you'd trip over your words.  For those of my independent friends, think about when you first encountered your current pet.  When you first saw them you'd get so excited, maybe talk some baby talk.  Any way, have you ever noticed how these reactions sort of dull down after a while?  Well it's your body being like "whoa friend, calm down, this is normal".  The same thing happens when you throw around cuss words and what not.

People throw around words a lot.  One word that I still have a gut wrench reaction to is midget. There's a super great online resource called lpaonline.org that I strongly encourage y'all to check out if you're intrigued by any and all things dwarf.  They talk about the"m" word.  When asked about the word midget, lpaonline.org responds with: "In some circles, a midget is the term used for a proportionate dwarf. However, the term has fallen into disfavor and is considered offensive by most people of short stature. The term dates back to 1865, the height of the "freak show" era, and was generally applied only to short-statured persons who were displayed for public amusement, which is why it is considered so unacceptable today" (lpaonline.org).

Think of it like you do ethnic slurs.  A long time ago, people with dwarfism were often in side shows with freak shows and such.  Dwarves were exploited for being so small.  Long story short, midget does not really come from a loving place, just like ethnic slurs.  And yes, today there are still people that dance around like fools and they like that.  And that's their choice.  We'll have a blog post on that stuff soon, don't you worry your pretty little minds.

There are some people who are anatomically proportionate and very much below average height.  These people may identify as midgets.  However, if someone is diagnosed with dwarfism, they usually tend to want to go by dwarf, little person, person of short stature, the list goes on.  But I promise from my own experience, they probably don't want you to call them a midget.  Just like a smaller person that I described before might not want to be referred to as a dwarf, and that's okay.  It is their right to be called what they want to be called.  And it is our duty as good people, to respect these preferences.  What do I hate?  Assumptions (I imagined there was a resounding response of the word "assumptions" as I posed this question, since I often drill it into y'all's heads).

There have been a lot of times where I've been the victim of the use of the "m" word.  One that stands out in particular is when I was in middle school.  No one gets through middle school or high school unscathed.  I unfortunately was a little chubby, had acne, glasses, was sweaty ALL THE TIME, and I was short.  One day, I was going to my next class and I noticed things were falling from the landing.  Being the studious type I didn't pay any mind to it, and I kept on going to class.  Later I find the teacher that I was previously in class with running to my next class to come find me.  He reports to me that people were throwing pencils at me and yelling "hit the midget".

As that soaks in, take a look at this happy lil' baby otter to make you feel a bit better





Anywho.  To tie this all up in a neat weird little bow: be mindful of your words, no matter who you're talking to, or about.  There's honestly no need to call anyone anything with ill intent.  Yeah, people are going to cut you off in traffic, and they're going to but ahead of you in line, and they're going to forget to say thank you.  It doesn't give you the right to call them anything.  There's no need to prove yourself through actions of bad taste.  Rather, be the bigger person and wow people through your positive actions.  Make someone think "wow, that person is pretty cool, I wouldn't have been able to handle that situation like that".

So this blog's assignment: be the better person.  Be cool, by not feeling the need to prove yourself in vile ways.  Intervene where necessary, but don't be a busy body know it all.  Just be yourself, the person that old you would be proud to talk about to your grandchildren.

Peace, love, and otters my friends

Laura

They need to have a tampons, bunny food, and mac and cheese store

I like people watching. But I really like people watching when the people can't see me watching them. Some of the best people watching happens in a department store like Target. You see people buying oil for their car, and a funny banana magnet that they saw in the dollar section and it gave them a chuckle. But I also hate shopping. While I enjoy the retail therapy part of it, walking around and just seeing the colorful merchandise, it leaves me vulnerable. I am exposed to the small children that are too young to stay home alone while their mothers do their shopping at Target, or their dad's are at the pep boys getting new keys made. For those of you who just pointed out my gender stereotype, I'm not profiling, I'm just reflecting on my own individual experience that happens to go along with the social norms. Calm down.

Anyway, so I hate shopping. I like it, but I hate it. It's constant bombardment of children yelling "look at that girl mommy" while the mortified parents rush their children down another aisle. To that I say both, I understand, and shame on you. You're missing out on a golden opportunity for a teaching moment for your children. Your kids are going to encounter so many different people in their lives. People with physical, mental, emotional, intellectual any type of disability. And some day they could turn into a teen who makes fun of people they see, and a even an adult who makes remarks.

Don't even get me started when I have to go shopping in multiple stores in one day. Just another opportunity to find another bunch of folks who don't understand, don't want to understans, or who are just plain rude.

I really don't like kids. I won't say I hate them, but I REALLY don't like them. Don't get me wrong I will have a clan of my own some day and I will love them more than life itself. But I really don't like rude, obnoxious children. I don't mind the kids that are questioning because they are trying to understand. But the kids that are pointing, laughing, staring, and judging because it's something different from what they know  so it's automatically funny? That royally ticks me off. And the parents that just ignore that pisses me off even more.

Imagine this. Everyone was 4 ft tall and you're towering at 6ft. Everything is made for people who are 4ft tall. Sounds fun at first. But when you're 80 years old with a cane and you need to bend way down to use the toilet, doesn't sound so fun anymore. Well imagine you're walking around in a store and some child yells "look at that big person mommy!" Or "ew look how tall they are!" Sounds kind of ridiculous right? Well when people do that to me only about how small I am, it's pretty ridiculous to me.

I want the same tampons, mac and cheese, car oil, and keys just like you. But everywhere I go, a big stage light is shown onto me.

I want to give you all a challenge. If you ever see a child staring at someone who maybe doesn't fit into the average mold, interact with that person. I'm not saying ask them about their life story, but say hi, remark on the weather. Show the child that this person is just like them.

Every day provides multiple learning opportunities. Chances to better ourselves and become more well rounded. Help others to take advantage of those chances.

That's enough preaching for today. Thanks for reading friends.

Peace, love, and otters,

Laura

You have a big head, but your eyes are pretty

Have you ever run into those type of people that say things like "I've seen some shit" but really they were just the nerds in school that were the self imposed social recluse type? I run into that a lot. There are only a few people who I can really listen to when they say things like that. Those being veterans, victims of traumatic events, and first responders, to name a few. But not people who may have been called four eyes a few times in grade school.

We all have our battles, I get it. But what I'm finding life is about is having those tough experiences but making yourself better because of them.

This weekend I was visiting Ryan and we went to the renaissance festival in Rochester. There were the typical "lookers" as my dad calls them (children and even adults who will stare at me). Some were worse than others but they don't bother me too much anymore. But the main event was at a dagger merchant's stall.

I'll set the stage: a counter about 4ft tall, probably about 6 square feet for customers to look at the merchandise, and 3 period dressed renaissance reenactors manning the stall.

I took a look and was not very interested. I resigned myself to looking around the stall at the decor while Ryan looked at the wares. The owner beckoned to me in renaissance speak. She told me her husband was about an inch taller than me.

She all but forced me to come behind the counter and look at everything. It drew attention which was the worst of it all.

I'll tell you that the first thing that came to mind was that she was making fun of me. I soon learned that she was telling the truth. She started talking like a 21st century person. She told me that she works with achondroplastic girls and helps them with confidence. She said "even though you have big heads and deformed limbs, you all have the most beautiful eyes and you gotta speak up for yourself"

She struck me as the type who had acne and glasses and didn't blossom until about freshmen year of college. And since she had that "tough" experience, she felt the need to impose her "wisdom" on every girl that may have a quiet voice. I get it, adolescence is tough, but we all have to grow a thick skin, and some has to be thicker than others.

I didn't care that she mentioned my bigger head, my curved limbs, or my quiet voice. But seriously, how dare she say I have a confidence issue?? I'm a gold award recipient, a former residence life worker, I've held many customer service jobs, I have anxiety out the wazoo but I still go to my phone call heavy job. I walk out the door to get the mail and people stare at me from their cars. If that's not confidence, I honestly don't know what is.

To be my own devil's advocate, she meant well. You could tell. But it's like when the pet store worker tells you that you need a 10 gallon tank to adequately support your carnival prize goldfish, and you politely nod your head yes as you reach for the dinky little 99 cent fishbowl. Yeah okay, you may know a lot, but I have my own experience.

The only people who's opinion I really take into account when it comes to dwarfism stuff and the perspective of a dwarf is doctors with PhDs who study dwarfism and other dwarves. Having dwarfism is something you really have to experience. The people at A.I. DuPont hospital that have worked with me have interviewed, studied, and observed hundreds of individuals. They really have an idea of what it's like to live in a world too big for you. You may know someone one who's going through something, but it's very difficult to understand unless you go through it yourself.

What I'm trying to say is, don't try to perform a surgery if you're not a surgeon. Don't tell someone with a broken leg how hard it is to go about every day life if you've never broken a bone. Same goes for disabilities of any kind.

For those of you waiting to find out what happened next at the Ren fest, it's not very glamorous. I cried for a good 20 minutes. Not because of what she said. But that she forced her help on me and made a spectacle of me.For me, that's the worst thing anyone could do to me; no matter how well I know you. But especially with strangers. Would you force someone in a wheel chair to be carried up the stairs by an able bodied person? No? Well then please accept that I don't need a step up. Offering is fine, but it's a once and done deal.

Ryan being the wonderful person he is helped me through my mortification. He's a good egg.

Now there are times where I'm trying to reach something that I need and someone steps in and helps without me asking. Like the other day at dunkin I got a coffee and the guy realized I wouldn't be able to reach the straws so he grabbed one for me. That was nice cause I did need one.

Sorry Ren Faire lady, but if you are trying to school me on my own condition and you can't say it right... go back to the 15th century please.

By the way, the best part of the day was when a fairylike girl fluttered through the "forest" and called Ryan and I adorable for "canoodling in the forest".

Peace, Love, and Otters

Laura

I'm Not Here to Preach

So you're cooking in the kitchen. You grab the pan and reach to turn on the burner. You get on the stool, climb on the counter, grab the garlic powder, chives, olive oil and strain your back for the basil. Okay, is your foot above the stool? Shit, it slipped. Ow, your leg popped out of the socket again. No matter, it'll go back in a little bit. Go get the eggs, put them on the counter. Crap, forgot the chili powder. Reach a gain, hit your head on the cabinet. Okay, Crack the eggs, mix the spices, shoot, the phone is ringing, kick the stool over in time to pick it up before the last ring...

Wow, okay so all you wanted was to make some eggs before you went to work this morning. That's a lot of work for one little task. But that's my every day life. I can't do simple things like make food, wash clothes, clean dishes, or brush my teeth without assistance from a stool in my own home. Don't even start with the outside world. Reaching straws for deinks, ordering food without being over looked, and washing my hands in a public restroom. These are all things that I have to plan out before I go anywhere outside my own home. The crippling anxiety it causes is just one side effect of achondroplasia.

Achondroplasia is when you are born with a genetic defect that influences the develop the of your cartilage in the womb; among other things. If you payed attention in 10th grade bio, you know that cartilage is what turns into bone. As a result, fast forward to now. I have the average torso of a petite 22 year old female. I have dyed red hair and blue eyes. I'm 95 lbs and I stand 4ft tall.  But when u put my hands to my side, my finger tips barely reach my buttocks. You ask me to straighten my arms? I can't. I have big thighs and a well endowed "bedonk". I can't do anything about this. I can run for about 15 minutes before my knees feel like they'll rip off my body, and I can do 20 push ups on a good day. Picking up my 6 year old niece is the biggest work out I've ever managed.

I hope that as you've been reading this, you've noticed how much time, effort, and thought I must put into every move. This blog will elaborate on every day life, activities, and experiences I face living in a world 3 sizes too big. Stay tuned my friends!

Peace, love, and otters,

Laura